Wanted: A Mother

Author Unknown

Job Duties:

The applicant may expect to assume the following roles, in whole or in part, on an as-needed basis for the next 18 years: nurse, lawyer, doctor, teacher, mechanic, counselor, janitor, chef, landlord, peace officer, coach, intercessory prayer warrior, cheerleader, mediator for non-concurring testimony, finance manager and jailer.

Skills Needed:

Comforting skills desired to ease new subordinate anxiety (e.g. crying), but on-the-job training available at the entry level; toxic waste handling necessary, but no prior experience required (just remember to wash your hands); should possess the ability to encourage subordinates’ abilities and progress in all areas including, but not limited to: art, music, sports, reading, writing, mathematics, history, social studies, and health; applicant must have shoulders available for crying on, eyes in the back of her head, ears that can hear into the next room, arms for embracing, a heart full of love, and a mind that can remember honorable intentions.

Work Hours:

Twenty-four/seven, three-hundred-sixty-four days a year (Mother’s Day off for good behavior).

Wages:

The applicant agrees to work for free. In fact, it will cost everything you own to be a mother.

Disclaimer:

Applicant may expect the following, in whole or in part, during the course of employment: conflict and compromise, sickness and health, dirtiness and cleanliness, tears of joy and tears of sorrow, richer times and poorer times, love, laughter, fear, anger, disappointment, hugs, and more love. Only the bravest souls need apply.

Fringe Benefits:

A support-system of children and grandchildren to love and help you in your golden years.